Voices of grown-up children of divorce: Their experience and perspectives of equal time-sharing arrangement

Abstract

The article presents a study of the experiences of grown-up children of equal timesharing arrangement following their parents’ divorce. It is a continuation of the authors’ previous research project on custody, living arrangements, parental cooperation and intergenerational communication (parents and grandparents) in sixteen Icelandic families. In that study the parents fell into three categories according to custody, parental style of cooperation and priority of the child, its well-being and interest. One category was parents with joint physical custody (JPC). Results showing entirely positive experience of the adults (parents and grandparents) gave rise to questions and attracted interest in obtaining knowledge from children of divorce about their perspective of that arrangement. Furthermore, it was of interest to try to map frequency and general views of JPC in Icelandic society over time.

Thus, this follow-up study is two-phased: Firstly, a quantitative part of a nation-wide sample mapping the frequency, as well as experience and views of individuals of an equal time-sharing arrangement, JPC, following their parents’ divorce. Questions for mapping of frequency, own experience and suggestions were sent out in a survey panel from the University of Iceland Social Research Institute. A nation-wide sample of 4066 people in the age group 18–59 years was used. Response rate was 63%. Out of the 2563 respondents 545 had experienced parents’ divorce and 40 persons, i.e. 7%, said they had lived in JPC. Although the small number of respondents does not allow significant testing there were indications that JPC was more common among individuals whose parents had been married (53%) than among those of parents never living together (47%). Also, it was more likely that the younger group of respondents had experienced JPC than the older participants. Simultaneously the younger interviewees expressed a more positive attitude, claiming that they would recommend this arrangement for today’s parents of divorce. These results are in accordance with those from Icelandic family research about legislative development on custody issues and changing attitudes to parental cooperation after divorce.

Secondly, a qualitative part was implemented, consisting of half-structured 45–60 minute interviews with 16 grownup children of divorce. Interviewees were partly selected from among respondents in the survey who had agreed to be contacted again for an interview study, partly through announcement among university students. Participants were 12 women and 4 men, mainly around the age of 20–22 when the interview was taken. They were aged 2–18 at the time when their parents divorced, and their average age was 9.5 years.

In a nutshell, the main conclusions of both the quantitative and qualitative parts indicate an overall positive experience of an equal time-sharing arrangement, JPC. However, negative experiences were also described. The interview material was analyzed on the basis of positive versus negative experiences, themes and concepts in the context of the narratives. The negative experience was primarily connected with parents not fulfilling core conditions of reconciliation, parental contact and cooperation, besides even having had open disputes or conflicts.

Secondly, the negative experience was connected with parents having chosen JPC primarily on the basis of their own preferences or personal interest in relation to their work and living conditions. The themes which emerged in this connection were associated with unsettled life and confusion in family relationships and instability in contact with friends. This was accompanied by feelings of insecurity, loyalty conflicts and anxiety, and sometimes irritation or rage over parents’ disagreements or poor contact. Although expressing this critique, most interviewees claimed that JCP was better than irregular or no contact with one parent. The positive experience was mainly connected with the parent’s ongoing contact and ample cooperation. The themes which emerged here were, furthermore, associated with experience of good planning and unchanged contact with families on both sides. In this connection, feelings of gratitude and even admiration of parents were expressed. Although conveying disappointment over the divorce, the interviewees expressed appreciation of the parents’ concern about their wellbeing, and sometimes described their situation as special and fortunate. The results are discussed and it is concluded that the welfare of children of divorce needs to be protected by mediating special information to parents about the core conditions for successful JPC, and by counseling those who are filing for divorce. Improvements related to law reforms, family life education and divorce counseling programs are suggested and discussed.