“The urge to self-destruct is so strong”: Experiences of male victims suicidal thoughts following sexual violence

Abstract

Suicidal ideations are common among male victims of sexual violence, but few Icelandic studies have focused on this aspect. The purpose of this study was to examine male survivors’ experiences of suicidal ideations following sexual violence and the impact of society and professionals on these experiences. The research method was phenomenological and 17 in-depth interviews were conducted with seven male survivors. The study shows that participants felt that suicidal ideation following sexual violence was based on a strong urge to self-destruct, which included almost unbearable suffering. The thought of suicide centred on finding peace of mind and ameliorating constant and aggressive thoughts about the violence. The urge to self-destruct manifested, among other things, in risk-taking behaviour and other indifference toward their own health and life. Traditional ideas about masculinity negatively affected all participants, for example the idea that they should not show emotions because they are men and should not express emotional pain, which was emotionally silencing. Broken identity, shame, guilt, negative thoughts, and loneliness characterized participants’ lives. Disclosing the violence offered the participants a fresh start. However, they often experienced a lack of knowledge and support from professionals and felt that they needed to be asked more systematically about their history of trauma. It is important for professionals to have knowledge of sexual violence against men and be able to provide trauma-oriented services to those who struggle with suicidal thoughts.